Chocolate and Howling at the Moon

 Ugh, it is just so? bad????

I gave it two episodes, but I can't take this reboot. I might check in what the ep summaries say later on. (Like I do with the Flash, and realize that I cannot handle their craziness.)

Not only does no one have any emotions or relationships that we care about, but the characters that we DO care about have lost their memories (AGAIN) or maybe they're themselves from another dimension or... something...? It makes my brain hurt. And making the Cinderella maid character hispanic was... not a great look.

Henry's actor is definitely better than the teen version, but still not strong enough to carry a show. It was such a relief when Emma was onscreen for a few minutes. I don't really like Emma, but she can carry a show. Also, Henry needs to stop with the writing and the stories. The way he changes other people's lives is creepy. 

I cannot believe Good Wife did that to us. I just cannot believe... I have so many emotions. WHAT KIND OF UNRESOLVED ENDING RJEFIOAWFJWEIO

Meanwhile, I felt more emotions in the first 5 minutes of Good Wife than in the entire hour of OUAT with the three? four? deaths.

I am 100% here for Hades and Zelena wow, but I am 1000% here for 3 kickass lesbians Mulan, Ruby, and Dorothy.

I don't even care that Dorothy and Ruby just met, I love that they are in love and making out. <3333

What is happen??? The FanFare thread is helpful, but I am still so confused.

I see that the creators wrote this ep, but it was so ham-handed that I wonder if they came in at the end of all this craziness and just tried to reset as fast as possible. (Rumple = the dark one again! Zelena = back to Oz! Dark Ones = back to the underworld! Killian = good again and back in love with Emma!)

But Killian's sudden characterization switches made no sense. It would have explained everything if he had only been PRETENDING to be evil because he knew he had to steal the sword to destroy himself and the darkness. But... apparently not... He was suddenly Super Evil, and then suddenly Super Good again, for no real reason I could determine... (Dude, you're the Dark One. If you need a little of Rumple's blood to open the hell portal, just take some. No need for that weird duel business, and I can't believe he really still wanted revenge. But what WAS Dark!Killian's goal? Or all the Dark Ones' goal, for that matter? How hilarious and "The Originals" would it be if all these old Dark Ones were alive again in Storybrooke and had to learn to live as normal people in the present? But of course the show preferred to reset everything. Whatever!) Also Killian's dad flashback was so weird and pasted on??????

I got some major Buffy and Angel feels with the whole "stabbing your true love who is sane again with a sword to close a hell portal" business. But it was even lamer.

Why can only Belle leave the town?? Why can't anyone with magic find a way to LEAVE THE TOWN? I felt this way with Haven, too. Like when all your neighbors have out of control superpowers, it is time to MOVE. On a related note, where are all the normal people? Where are the townspeople that Regina ruled over in her kingdom, and then got transported to Storybrooke? I want to see them questioning the leadership of Regina/Snow/Charming for letting all this shit happen to the town - even if they have royal blood. The dwarves and Granny are always such a breath of fresh air, but we never spend enough time with them.

I would like to state again FOR THE RECORD, that we could have avoided all of this (and visited our lovely mirror universe!) if stupid Henry hadn't BROKEN THE AUTHOR PEN.

And DID Emma actually tell everyone that Rumple is the Dark One again? Because I don't think he should be okay with her telling everyone (and Belle) that...

Wait, did we ever find out what happened to the Arthurian people? Or do we just... not care...

1. I'm not sure why Belle went through the portal (for Merlin to heal Rumple?) or why she needs the ROSE, but it's nice that she still loves Rumple.

2. Full Dark One Emma is super hot. Killer outfits, great hairstyles. I could do without the lime in her hair though. I think Killian should take one for team and sex her up to distract her from the evil whispers and prevent more sparkleboners. I definitely like her better this way.

3. Merida's dialog was very on the nose, but the actress was GREAT. Would love to spend more time with her rather than tedious fake Arthurians.

4. Very happy to see black people in King Arthur's court. Black Lancelot!

5. Not very happy about Gwen's terrible French accent.

6. Just NO to Henry's entire plotline and that terrible song. And I'm glad someone else was like YOU IDIOT for destroying the pen (the pen that will get us back to our wonderful mirrorverse ;_;). Also them letting Zelena out was too stupid. I'm sure she's behind this mess. We should have gone through the portal without her. I'm really tired of Zelena.

7. What is UP with Regina? Why is her magic so fail lately? Can anyone just randomly state that they're The Savior? Why does she care so much what random townspeople think of her? (Is she running for mayor? Who is the mayor right now...? This town has a lot of problems...)

8. The Fury thing was silly, but I liked that Robin got kidnapped and Regina had to save him, with some Guardians of the Galaxy joined lives thing that... honestly I have no idea what it did. But go dwarf!

9. The dwarves were great! And so was Granny. Really happy to see these background characters and their comic relief.