New Due South Vid

[fenlings]

Title: "Needful"
Fandom: Due South
Warnings: Massive Fraser Angst Ahead. (Oh, and some instances of Fraser being Raysexual.)

Download: http://www.mediafire.com/?8u82fxj2p5mf7hs
52 MB, 5:36



Well, I kind of thought the vid was RILLYRILLY BAD OMG, but I tend to feel that way right after finishing a vid. Now I'm more content/resigned in regard to it, but I thought I would share the vid in case someone Out There might like it. ::nudges in the general direction of fandom:: Go on, be free, little vid. Be *not in my head* anymore. Here, ::shoves vid forward:: you take it.

I couldn't really get into the vidding fugue state I made my other vids in, maybe because this vid is also the longest. I used clips from 40 of the 66 episodes, and it was a freaking long 5:30 minutes to vid.

These are my vague interpretive thoughts, but feel very free to assign your own meanings to my juxtaposition of lyrics and images.

I finally figured out why I love vidding and watching vids--because both are like explicating a poem, all rhythm and meter and hidden meanings. I love explicating poems (so how much do I love vid notes? An explication [notes] of my explication [vid] of my interpretation [concept] of juxtaposition of the song lyrics and music with show canon. Double your fun! ::g::), and I love the way there are different interpretations of the same poem and that's why I love fandom. Far be it from me to impose some iron-clad meaning to my vid.

That said, these were my vague intentions:

I made it so you could watch it on loop (if you were, uh, *really bored* I guess), and so the entire vid could be the thoughts of the beginning!Fraser coming home to a Cabin Full of RayK yes it must be so. (Wow I just suddenly got a Cauldron full of Hot Strong Love in my head and doesn't that conjure up a weird post-COTW image). The beginning!Fraser could also be sad pre-Rays Fraser, but I like reflecty yet content older and wiser Fraser better. Because Frame Story!

I went kinda frame story and parallel crazy in this one. These are some of them.

Frame Stories:

The whole instrumental section is Fraser's life flashing before his eyes as he's waiting to die in the crevasse.

The RayK macking on Fraser and RayK het kisses are Fraser's thoughts during the argument(s) with RayK. (I really wanted to use Fraser's oh-so-woobie face when Ray was watching Luanne Russell undress, but there just wasnt a place for it. Oh well, next vid.)

Then there's Fraser reading his dad's journal in bed and then putting it away after getting beat up which could be, uh, realizing that going to such extremes (Victoria, the mob) isn't always the best course and that he doesn't have to be his father? Yes, that.

Throughout the course of the vid he is trying to become his own man and get out of his father's shadow. He is also trying to forge relationships. In the beginning of the vid, he has only memories and pictures. I didn't include the picture of Victoria, because there wasn't room and it wasn't as important, but it fit here too. The "untouchable" as Fraser looks out the window and tells the Victoria story serves much the same purpose as the Victoria picture however.


Parallels:

In the choruses, the Rays are positioned similarly--first meetings, crying because of a woman.

In the "can you reach me?" RayV obviously cannot reach Fraser physically, only through the poor excuse for a letter, but RayK can rush into the consulate.

"face-saving promises"
-With RayV it's his "as a friend" when he knows that a friend wouldn't leave.
-With RayK it's his "I'm not gay" pursuit of women in front of Fraser. God, I didn't have space to include it, but with Luanne Russell, the look on his face as he looks at Fraser after kissing her is just so like getting caught cheating.

Then in the instrumental section, obvious similarities.

The Rays threatening a perp, hugging a loved one, taking a bullet for Fraser. Then Fraser says goodbye to RayV as RayV says "Go get your man," and Fraser does. He gets RayK. And Dief and RayK go with Fraser.

Gerrard is always the "darkness" because, uh, there were no good shots of Fraser and Muldoon.

There are parallels between Fraser about to shoot Dief and Fraser shooting the caribou (which he's remembering while looking at a playground full of "normal" children and juxtaposing his own childhood memories with normal social interactions which he watches yet always remains separate from, chain link fence blah blah blah)

Fraser's reflection. The camera sees reflections four times in the vid: The first "untouchable," the Victoria reflection, and in the mirror during the sexuality and the Rays part. It is, of course, representative of Fraser repeatedly trying to find "himself" and his identity in relation to other people.

Misc. explications:

The first "I've been treated so...untouchable" is about Fraser's personal relationships. He has no one. I emphasized this by showing him through bars or windows, separated.

The second is about his relationship to his job. He is a mountie, yes, but his own internal code and his continual efforts to live up to his father's legend are much more binding and isolating than the organization by which he has been "treated so wrong". Then he's punished by Zuko and shunned by RayV and the CPD for adhering to that code, just as he was punished and exiled by the RCMP.

The first "I need this" is Fraser's attitude toward Victoria: "I need emotional connection and damn the cost because I've been deprived for so long."

The second "I need this" is "I need partnership" (in this case with RayK)

The third "I need this" is "I need wilderness tracking and the pursuit of justice." yes. ahem.

The fourth "I need this" is "I need wide snowy spaces and RayK with me in them."

The first "I mean this" is Fraser confirming the stability of his partnership with RayK. I think RayK running into the consulate and "reach"ing Fraser healed the rift between them caused by sexual identity crises, and now they are committed to their partnership.

The second "I mean this" on RayK's reaching out for Franklin's hand is Fraser confirming that his partnership with RayK will continue for a long time. He's committing to a future with him in agreeing to go on the quest (even though he thinks he's probably going to die in the crevasse).

In the instrumental section, Fraser is being crazy and seeing hallucinations (one of which could have been his near-death experience), but he runs away from the issue of his mental health and starts cross-dressing and being gay with the Rays. He's in the closet with RayV and in the men's bathroom stall with RayK.

During the sexuality section, I tried to communicate how Fraser is bemused by his appearance causing people to react so strongly. He looks in the mirror, he looks at the outer manifestation of that surface: the uniform.

But ultimately he chooses the Rays to share his inner self with, as emphasized by the intercutting of him looking at his reflection with the embrace in the "My two Rays" part. But he has a fond parting with RayV after RayV gets shot on Fraser's behalf (even though I actually used the clip of s1 "Vecchio takes a bullet for Fraser" instead of s4 "Vecchio takes a bullet for Fraser" because it looked better)and redeems himself for his earlier abandonment. Now Fraser leaves RayV behind instead and goes off to find home with RayK.

And then there was a bunch of random lyric matching.

This is why I'm really not that happy with this vid, because it feels like a hodgepodge with no meaning and no narrative structure and no emotional trajectory. Just a woobie Fraser homage montage. blah. oh well.

I had a devil of a time titling this one. But "Needful" had the best sound of all the options. I'm still not happy with it though; it has a bad aftertaste, even though I like the fact that it means both “necessary” and “needy.” So we’re exploring Fraser’s “needy” psychological state, and also seeing what’s “necessary” for him and for his happiness.

I focused on emotional rather than physical torment, so there is quite a lot of woobie left for more woobie!Fraser vids, if anyone's feeling inspired. God knows I already have my next DS vids floating around in my head. (I kinda wish I could actually start vidding some of my plans for vids in other fandoms...) It's odd how much I've been inspired by other vidders' use of a song in another fandom. I'm so derivative. But that's ok, such is the nature of fandom itself, I suppose.


But yay! It's done! Enjoy, and feedback please!


Lyrics:

Natalie Merchant
Album: Ophelia

"My Skin"

Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here that I don't understand
Your face-saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them

Because I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
Well contempt loves the silence
It thrives in the dark
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart
They say that promises sweeten the blow
But I don't need them, no
I don't need them

I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
I'm the slow dying flower
I'm the frost killing hour
Sweet turning sour and untouchable

Oh, I need the darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
Oh, I need this
I need a lullaby
A kiss goodnight
Angel sweet love of my life
Oh, I need this

I'm the slow dying flower
Frost killing hour
The sweet turning sour and untouchable
Do you remember the way that you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored
Your face-saving promises whispered like prayers
I don't need them

I need the darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
Oh, I need this
I need a lullaby
A kiss goodnight
Angel sweet love of my life
Oh, I need this

Well is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Oh, I'm leaving
You better shut your mouth
And hold your breath
You kiss me now
You catch your death
Oh, I mean this
Oh, I mean this

Comments

[willows-mom.livejournal.com]

All I can say is: absolutely beautiful. WELL DONE!

[fenlings]

Yay feedback! And from a fellow vidder it means more. Thanks a lot. *^_^*

[llamainvasion.livejournal.com]

I thought it was incredibly well done! :D I love your vids, and this was no different. :D

[fenlings]

LOL I love your icon. Thanks for your lovely comments. ^__^V

[c-regalis.livejournal.com]

Ooooh, that's the woobiest Woobie!Fraser EVER! That was amazing. Thank you!

[fenlings]

Oh, I'm glad you liked this woobie!Fraser as much as the last one! And your comments make me feel all warm and fuzzy yay. ::does the feedback dance:: (^_^)V

[grey853.livejournal.com]

Very well done. Would you believe it only took me 2 minutes to download the big one while the little one had taken me over 20? I think it's Megaupload. I've had trouble with them before. At any rate, I'm so glad I have a cable connection so I could share in the Fraser Angst.

[fenlings]

Wow, that's amazing. I'm glad you had more success with the big one, and I'm sorry about megaupload--it's always worked for me in the past...

And Fraser Angst is a very important requirement to daily happiness. ::nods seriously::

[purpig21.livejournal.com]

This was totally beautiful. The quality was excellent, and the song so bittersweet. You used great clips.

I really enjoyed it.

[fenlings]

OMG your icon is perfect! ::loves::

Yes bittersweet is the right word, poor Ben! Oh, I'm glad you liked the quality--I had such codec and size *issues*. ::sigh::

Thanks for your comments! ^_^V

[msgordo.livejournal.com]

This was without doubt one of the most wonderful DS vids I've ever seen. I started off growling at Victoria and Vecchio and then (I'm such a sad squeeing fan girl) nearly cried when the line 'Angel, Sweet love of my life' was sung and RayK appeared on-screen. I always enjoy the vids I download, but I am rarely moved by them the way I have been by this one. This is the first one of yours I have ever seen and I'm blown away by your talent. Thank you very much.

[fenlings]

LOL yeah that "angel sweet" part was my inner F/K shipper *demanding* to be let loose. Haha it does break away from the more canon-based interpretations I had going on before, but I couldn't resist.

Thanks for letting me know it moved you yay. Wheee that makes me happy, especially since I can't judge a vid's emotional impact myself, having watched it a million times. ^_^'

[exeterlinden.livejournal.com]

Wow, that was beautiful and very skillfully done. I especially like the opening and the end of the song (where you have this sequence of short clips). It also reminded me of how amazing Victoria's Secret pt. 1&2 are. Also, the progression of the story in your video is great! (And lots of gorgeous shots of PG *g*)

[fenlings]

OMG progression! STORY! ::bounces:: You know just the right words to make me happy!!! That's always my ambition in making vids--telling emotionally affecting stories. I'm happy you think I achieved it. *^_^*

And yes, Paul, we all know you're very pretty. Can you let some other fandoms have some vidding time in my brain now please?

[laurashapiro.livejournal.com]

I really liked this. I'd like to review it for my stint at the_reel -- is that okay with you?

[fenlings]

I'm so happy you liked it, especially because I admire your vids so much.

By all means, review away. #^__^#

[morgandawn.livejournal.com]

Hi - I cannot get megaupload to work (this is a problem several of us have at our end with any megaupload). Would it be too much trouble for you to upload the large file to yousendit as well? Thanks.

[fenlings]

The small version is on megaupload, but the big version is uh, being hosted elsewhere. ::coughmybf'sbandwidthcough::

Do you want both the big and small on yousendit?

[nyn17.livejournal.com]

Yay,another vid!:DI'll be downloading the bigger one,although It'll take me a few hours and then I'll comment,I just wanted to say that MU uploads don't expire,unless there's no downloading for a month.

[fenlings]

Yay future comments! And I know MU doesn't expire, that's why I chose it, because I am so freaking sick and tired of missing out when people upload awesome vids to yousendit and they've expired before I can get to them. But I figured, hey, in a few months the MU might have expired and there might be a poor dialup vid-lover wanting to download but seeing it's expired, just like has happened to me. ::sniffle::

[sweetestdrain]

Oh, oh, gorgeous. There were so many moments in this that made me screech and clap my hand over my mouth with the Fraser-angst. Some incredibly fitting image/theme/lyrical match-ups. Very nice. And I adored how you fit in all the lesser-vidded people in Fraser's life - I was particularly pleased to see Thatcher, and that very chilling moment with the dream!blood.

[fenlings]

Yeah that dream blood was actually the clearest image I had for this vid before starting, and it's the part I vidded first.

I made a conscious effort to use parts of the episodes that were less popular in vids and fics. Of course, a fair bit of Victoria, MotB, and CotW still slipped in there.

Screeching and covering your mouth is like the best compliment ever!! Thanks! That's what I do when I see slashy or woobie moments in shows like, oh, lately... ::coughTheSentinelcough::

[morgandawn.livejournal.com]

Hi, I just sent you an e-mail about your vid. Please let me know if you receiv ed it.

[emhen.livejournal.com]

Oh, Lord. This was excruciatingly beautiful. "Angel, love of my life" killed me. The whole vid killed me. I immediately recced it to like half my f-list. The lyrics are perfect, the vid is gorgeous- augh. I loved it.

[fenlings]

Wow what a glowing review. ::blushes::

If I can ask, which "love of my life" killed you? And um, I hope you are only mostly dead?

Hee, thanks for the rec. Vid pimping is one of my hobbies too. ^___^

Needful vid

[j-s-cavalcante.livejournal.com]

Fenlings...greetings. A friend sent me the link to your new vid. Just wanted to let you know I think it is WONDERFUL...outstanding...there are not enough superlatives. All of Fraser's relationships, platonic and otherwise, are featured. It is a gorgeous character sketch; it reminds me what a HERO is: flawed and human, but willing to become greater than that when it's needed, willing to risk all when something greater than himself is at stake. (I also love the fact that Fraser's not the only hero featured.)

I just can't find enough words. The song is BEAUTIFUL, and perfectly, perfectly chosen for a DS vid. There's nothing I like better than one pure, soulful voice singing something beautiful with minimal, acoustic accompaniment. The words are achingly perfect for the story of Fraser's life. The "Oh, I need this..." refrain is especially poignant for Fraser, who's usually so reluctant even to admit he needs anything, let alone try to satisfy his needs.

I find the vid comforting, because it suggests that all the pain and struggle Fraser's been through has been worth it, not only for the outcome (with Ray K--beautifully shown) but also for the sheer adventure of it all. I also think it suggests that we, the viewers, can also succeed over tremendous odds if only we keep our eye on what's true and good and right, the way Fraser does.

Truly, this vid encapsulates all the reasons I love slash (intimate adventure). Thank you very kindly for sharing it with the fan community!

Re: Needful vid

[fenlings]

Intimate adventure is a good definition of the reason I love slash too--thanks for articulating it! ^_^

Thank you for your very complimentary review; I'm glad you got so much out of the vid yay.

I think that really is what I think I was trying to say with the vid--thanks again for articulating the vid's message for me haha.

I wanted to explore Fraser's internal journey (adventure) and show that it ended happily with his own internal growth and his ability to connect meaningfully and happily with others.

Thank you so much for putting that message into your own words. Now I know my vid was at least somewhat effective at communicating. ::g::

[majilique.livejournal.com]

Absolutely stunning. Flawless between music and scenes.

[fenlings]

Thank you!

[http://users.livejournal.com/_abulafia/]

This is the most affecting vid I've ever seen. There's an almost novel-like quality to it -- you cover so much ground, and the character comes through so clearly.

Also, I hesitate to mention this, because I realize it's not at all the point, really, but I feel that this vid is slash done right: the relationship as a component of the character's journey.

Anyway.

[fenlings]

That is the most generous compliment I have ever received! I'm glad it came across so coherently--that's really a comfort.

I definitely agree with you about slash done right; too often romances want to convince the reader that the entire point of one's existence is to find the person with whom one can be utterly codependent in order to achieve happiness. Growth as a person (or character) and love found along the way is much more appealing to me. And, wow, I'm flattered that you found that in my vid. Yay. ::cheers::

[samantharichter.livejournal.com]

WOW! One of the best songvids i've ever seen. Made into my top three DS vids after the first half of the vid ;) Its beautiful, really. Perfect song and I love your choice of clips and their lengh. *watches again*

[fenlings]

Yay thanks so much for your compliments! I'm glad you liked the pacing--I had lots of pacing issues, especially toward the end. I'm glad I'm in your top three DS vids, even after watching the second half. ^_^

[afearfulthing.livejournal.com]

...Oh.

This is really good. In that sharp kind of way that goes nicely with intense piano music.

And it all fits so well; it's not really a perspective I'd had on Fraser before, but it's so true.

Interesting how a comedy has so much darkness.

[fenlings]

I never thought of Due South as a *comedy*, but it certainly has its dark moments.

I'm glad you liked it!

[taelonmahal.livejournal.com]

Wow, this is truly beautiful. The lyrics, the rhythm, everything. I think you did an amazing job with this vid. I like what you said about poetry/vids. I personally try to watch vids like I read poetry: I try to built a meaning for myself, out of what I am given (which is why I only scanned your explanations). And what you've given us here is brilliant. :)

I feel almost bad for not having a DS icon to comment on this. But samantharichter - two comments above - used one I made. That has to count for something, right? ;)

[fenlings]

Aw, yay thanks for reccing me in your lj!

::goes to check out your vids:: Ooo I especially liked From a Shell, Crazy Faith, Love Shack, and Would You. It's amazing how Love Shack makes *anything* dirty. And Daniel is a galactic hottie.

[zeenell]

Can you reupload this? I tried to DL it, but it says the files are expired...

thanks

[fenlings]

I assume you mean the 18 mb one? Here you go.

[starfishchick]

This vid is beautiful - and the song choice is perfect. OH FRASER.

[fenlings]

OH FRASER! Such a woobie. Thanks!

PS: I've enjoyed many of your dS fics! ^_^

[permetaform]

I've left off commenting for a long time 'cause I'd couldn't find the words to describe this, I'd saw it last year's BAScon and it's just *marvelous*. And while there's no traditional narrative in there, there's *narrative* in the way that you're telling a story, you're telling about a Fraser that's isolated from family, from surroundings, from and by his work, and the various ways he tries and fails and finally succeeds at finally finding what he *needs* and this is just...it's teary. It makes me teary, because the song to me says about accepting a certain darkness and leaving to find a place that's better. What's awesome about your vid is that not only do you *show* this, but you ALSO show the place that Fraser finally found, you showed the solution. It's very cool how you did this, because you 'ran' over the lyrics to do so; your vid is structured as if you'd totally ignored where the stanzas and choruses and verses take place, and is absolutely the stronger for it. For the longest time I thought the vid was a three-part structure, because it "felt" like that, but looking at the verses I see that the song totally didn't "give" you that, you *made* it.

Also an interesting thing I'm noticing now is that the instrumental part at the end is like a completely different vid attached to the end of your vid. This is kinda neat because it's effectively two vids, which is what threw me off the first couple times I'd watched it; I'd disliked the end previously, it didn't make sense to me because it lost the momentum and feeling that I'd reached at the end of the vocals (you'd had a slow rising peak of intensity that crescendo'ed and concluded on Fraser and Ray glancing at each other on that railing).

But see, now I understand that the instrumental section that followed it has it's *own* structure, based on grouping and transformation of themes (people who'd mattered, leaving, finding, destruction, rebirth, arrival, acceptance, contentment) the last emotion of which is how I *love* vids to leave me in a place of.

But this two part structure is just something you rarely if ever find in vids, especially because it's like a two-part poem.

This vid is haunting and awesome, it's beatwhored, beautifully paced, and very good technically. Thank you so much for making this and sharing it. =)

[(Anonymous)]

Those thoughts on structure are extremely interesting, because I totally didn't think about structure at all when making this. I only thought about squeezing in all I wanted to say, and expressing it in an emotionally affecting manner.

a Fraser that's isolated from family, from surroundings, from and by his work, and the various ways he tries and fails and finally succeeds at finally finding what he *needs*
Yes YES. I'm glad it came through so clearly!

intensity that crescendo'ed and concluded on Fraser and Ray glancing at each other on that railing
That was the climax of the RayK part yes. But of course the earlier parts of the vocals had their own climaxes, so there was precedent at least for a letdown in tension.

This is kinda neat because it's effectively two vids, which is what threw me off the first couple times I'd watched it
Yeah I'm still kinda iffy about the instrumental part myself. Enh.

I never thought of it as two vids before, though - that makes a lot of sense.

the instrumental section that followed it has it's *own* structure, based on grouping and transformation of themes
Very much so, yes. (Also, I'd add in "sexuality" there as well.) Theme words are how I referenced those parts of the vids to myself when I was vidding them.

Aw, that's so cool: that you felt Fraser's contentment at the end.

it's like a two-part poem
YAY.

it's beatwhored, beautifully paced, and very good technically
SUPER YAY. ::restrains self from doing the self-deprecating disagreement thing::

Thank YOU for your detailed feedback. Detailed feedback makes my LIFE.

PS: Your comments mean more, considering the respect I have for you as a vidder. I've enjoyed many of your vids, especially "Gravity" (I freaking *adore* "Gravity") and "Moment Couldn't Break." Cheers!

[peter-neverland.livejournal.com]

I've been meaning to download and watch this vid for a while now and just got to it. It was beautiful. Thank you for the time and the explanation. I loved both.

[fenlings]

Wow, thanks. I'm glad you liked the, uh, really random explanation!

[pigtailedgirl.livejournal.com]

Oh I'm almost a year late but hope this goes through. Links don't seem to work/have expired. I would love to see this vid. Help?

[fenlings]

Hm, the yousendit links are certainly dead, but both the hosted big version and the megaupload small version links seem okay to me. Try again and tell me if you still have problems.

[bluemeridian]

Oh this is AMAZING!! Thank you so much! It was so sad, but I went away so happy - I loved it. :)

[fenlings]

Yay, thank you! ^_^